What is libido?

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Sex hormones

The main sex hormones are estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. While we associate progesterone and estrogen with the menstrual cycle, and testosterone with sperm production, all three of these hormones are present to some extent in the human body.

What is a ‘normal’ libido?

Sex drive is usually described as being low or high – but what’s normal when it comes to libido? 

It’s important to note that sex drive can vary hugely from person to person. The only ‘normal’ when it comes to sex drive is what’s normal for you. Some people like sexual activity (including masturbation) every day, others once a week or once a month, while others don’t feel like having sex or engaging in sexual activity at all.

It’s also important to understand that your own libido can fluctuate – it’s not set in stone. You may go through periods when you have a higher sex drive and times when you have less desire for sex. That’s totally normal, and there can be many different reasons for this, from stress and fatigue to menopause and relationship problems. 

High libido: Is my sex drive too high?

First things first, there’s nothing wrong with having a high sexual drive. It can be a perfectly natural part of a healthy life. However, there’s a difference between having a high libido, and one which is too high. An overly high libido can become a problem if it starts to interfere with your everyday life. Some signs that this may be the case include:

• If you use sex as a way of dealing with your emotions or mental health conditions like stress, depression, or anxiety
• Your thoughts and behavior are consumed by sex
• You struggle to control your sexual behavior or urges
• It has an impact on other areas of your life, such as your health and work
• Your high sex drive is causing problems in your relationships
• Shame or secrecy around your sexual behavior
• You feel empty, low, or unfulfilled after having sex

Causes of an overly high libido

An extremely high libido can be caused by various factors, such as:

• Hypersexuality, sometimes described as sex addiction
• An imbalance of neurotransmitters (the chemicals in your brain that help to regulate your mood)
• Some medications
• Certain recreational drugs like cocaine and methamphetamine
• Some medical conditions 

How is overly high libido treated?

If you feel you’re addicted to sex or your sexual urges have become a compulsion that gets in the way of you enjoying other things, there is help available. Talk to your healthcare provider to learn more about the treatment options and lifestyle changes available. Once they’ve identified the root cause of your overly high libido, they can target the treatment to manage the problem. 

If you’re taking a specific medication that’s causing an increased sex drive, for example, then your doctor may prescribe a different medication or alter the dosage. 

Alternatively, other treatments like therapy, medication to lower your sex drive, or increased physical activity may be recommended.

Causes of low libido

Low libido is more common than high libido. It’s thought to affect up to 1 in 5 men during the course of their lives – and even more women – with up to 1 in 3 experiencing low libido at some point. There are so many factors that can impact libido, which can be physical, psychological, or caused by external factors or lifestyle. Some of the main causes of low libido include:

• Medications used to treat anxiety or depression
• Aging, as libido levels typically decrease for everyone as we get older
• Low self-esteem
• Increased stress
• Anxiety 
• Sexual problems like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness
• Mental health issues
• Relationship problems
• Hormonal birth control
• Pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding
• Hormonal changes in both men and women
• Menopause or perimenopause
• Recreational drug use, smoking, and alcohol.

We are all prone to notice changes in our libido throughout our lifetimes. Generally, periods of having a low libido shouldn’t be a cause for concern, but if you notice a change to your libido or are worried about your sexual health more broadly, seek professional medical advice. Some signs of a low libido include:

• A decreased interest in sex and sexual activity, including masturbation
• Never or rarely having sexual fantasies or thoughts
• Feeling concerned or sad about your lack of interest in sexual activity

There are a range of treatment options out there, for example, in some cases, therapy can be used to combat stress, which in turn can combat low libido or erectile dysfunction in men.

How is lowered libido diagnosed?

Some people just have a naturally low sex drive – but if you’ve lost any interest in sex and have a low sexual appetite for no apparent reason, a doctor can help you understand why. Your healthcare provider may carry out tests to understand the underlying cause, including:

• Taking a medical history
• Doing a physical examination
• Blood tests

How is lowered libido treated?

As with a high libido, the treatment for a low libido depends on the cause. Some options include:

• Medication to treat sexual problems like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness, as well as for depression or anxiety
• Therapy for mental health issues like depression, stress and anxiety
• Switching medication if your current medications are the cause of your low sex drive
• Therapy or relationship counseling if you’re having relationship problems
• Hormone replacement therapy if menopause is reducing your sex drive
• Implementing healthy lifestyle changes, like reducing alcohol consumption and increasing physical activity

Female libido

What is libido in women? It’s the same as for anyone else – it’s your desire for sexual activity, and it’s important to note that there is no ‘normal’ when it comes to libido levels, everyone is different, and our bodies behave in different ways — and our sex drives are no exception! A number of things can cause an increased or decreased sex drive. Female libido can change throughout the months as there are points in the cycle when libido levels are typically considered to be higher. Usually, in the days approaching ovulation when we are most fertile, our desire for sex is also at its highest, while a dip in estrogen and an increased level of progesterone towards the end of the cycle, can cause a slump in desire.

As well as the effects of estrogen and where you’re at in your menstrual cycle, there are also a whole host of other things that can affect female sex drive, including:

• General lifestyle factors, such as whether you get enough sleep or enough exercise
• Stress, anxiety and depression
• Chronic health conditions, including diabetes, chronic pain, and autoimmune disorders
• Hormonal changes during pregnancy and breastfeeding, during which times the high levels of progesterone may turn you off sex
• Caring for a baby, which can be stressful and may not put you in the mood
• Post-birth trauma, including physical tearing and psychological trauma
• Hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause
• Vaginal dryness (which can be caused by various factors, including certain medications)
• Relationship issues
• Painful sex
• Vaginismus (an involuntary clamping of the vaginal muscles which makes penetration difficult)
• Infections like a yeast infection and urinary tract infections
• Problems reaching orgasm

Women on hormonal birth control are unlikely to experience the same hormonal fluctuations in their libido as synthetic hormones in birth control work to prevent ovulation. While some women may not notice any changes to their libido while taking the pill, low libido is often reported as an unwanted side effect of hormonal birth control. However, research into this subject concludes that more investigation into this topic is needed.

Male libido

While female libido levels tend to fluctuate over the course of our cycles, male libido tends to fluctuate over a shorter period of time, with testosterone levels rising and falling throughout the day. Libido levels are often highest for males in the morning when testosterone levels are greatest — this is why men often wake with an erection, a physical sign of libido being high. This typically decreases throughout the day and is lowest late at night. 

As well as fluctuating in a 24-hour period, levels of testosterone also typically decrease throughout a man’s lifetime. These are usually at their highest levels during teenage years and start to decline after this point. Mirroring this dip in testosterone, libido also tends to decline as men get older. 

As well as affecting male libido, this hormone also helps regulate:

• Sperm production
• Development of the sex organs
• Hair growth
• Muscle development and bone mass
• When the voice breaks in puberty
• The production of red blood cells

Estradiol, a form of estrogen, is also present in the male body and is linked to libido, erectile function, and sperm production. Progesterone also plays a key role in regulating estrogen and is also required to make testosterone.

Some of the things that may cause a lower libido in men include:

• Falling testosterone levels as a man ages
• Premature ejaculation
• An inability to reach orgasm
• Impotence (not being able to achieve or maintain an erection)

Physical signs of a low libido

As well as lacking a desire for sexual activity, you may notice some changes including:

• Painful sex: If you experience any discomfort during sexual activity, you should ask your partner to stop. Pain during sex can happen if you’re not sexually aroused, as well as for various other reasons.
• Vaginal dryness: This can be a sign of lack of sexual arousal, or there may be a physiological cause such as menopause or perimenopause. However, not everyone with vaginal dryness has a low libido, and you can make sex more comfortable by using lubricants.
• Erectile dysfunction: This isn’t necessarily linked to low libido, but it can cause performance anxiety, which adds a lot of pressure and can make the idea of sex stressful. Talk to your doctor about treatment options, including medication that can help you get an erection. Trying other types of non-penetrative sex can also take away some pressure and help you both enjoy sex.

Can health issues affect libido?

Many different health issues can cause a lower libido. These can include:

• An underactive thyroid
• Diabetes
• Cardiovascular disease
• Depression
• Anemia
• Kidney failure
• Hyperprolactinaemia (a condition that causes high levels of prolactin in your blood)

Certain medications can also affect your libido, including:

• Medication used for high blood pressure
• Antidepressants
• Medications used for seizures
• Medications used to treat psychosis
• Medicines that reduce the production of testosterone

Always speak with your doctor or healthcare provider if you think that a medication you’re on is affecting your libido or your sex drive is impacted by a health issue. They’ll be able to advise you on the correct treatment for you, and may recommend switching medication or adjusting the dosage.

Libido and relationship problems

Relationship problems can often be a factor in reduced libido. If you’re having problems or are unhappy in other areas of your relationship, this can affect your sex life. You may want to consider whether there are any issues in your relationship that could be at the heart of your reduced sex drive.

Low sex drive itself could also be impacting your relationship. A survey from the National Women’s Health Resource Center found that:

• 85% of women said low sexual desire hurts intimacy levels with a partner
• 66% of women report that low sexual desire impacts their relationship communication
• 59% of women report that low sex drive has a negative impact on their relationships

It’s common for your interest in sex to fluctuate while you’re in a relationship. It can be difficult if one partner has a significantly higher or lower sexual drive than the other, but it’s important we don’t put pressure on ourselves or each other.

If you’re having relationship problems caused by low sex drive – or vice versa – the first step is to talk to your partner. Try to communicate as openly and honestly as possible about any issues in your relationship and the impact it’s having on your sex life. Remember, you shouldn’t feel guilty if you’re not in the mood for sex – and equally, if you’re the partner with the higher sex drive, you shouldn’t put pressure on your partner. 

Communicating openly and honestly is also crucial in the bedroom, and it’s important for both partners to be able to express what they like and don’t like when it comes to sexual activity. Having sex when you don’t feel like it can make you dislike it and want to do it even less, or lead to other issues like performance anxiety. The best thing is to have patience with each other, communicate clearly about your needs and how you’re feeling and remember that help is there if you need it.

You may also benefit from talking to a relationship counselor, to learn how to better communicate, as well as getting to the bottom of any underlying issues in your relationship.

Why should I track my libido levels?

Our libido is just one of the factors that change throughout the female menstrual cycle. Tracking this can give you insights into the unique pattern of your cycle. Alongside cervical mucus, PMS symptoms, and emotions, sex drive is just one more feature you can track with Natural Cycles, the first and only birth control app to be FDA Cleared in the US.

Where to get help

When it comes to sex drive, there’s no set definition of ‘normal.’ What’s normal when it comes to libido can only be measured in terms of what’s normal for you.

But if a particularly high or low libido is affecting your relationship, mental health, or life in general, then you should seek help from your doctor or healthcare provider. There are lots of different reasons for a high or low libido, and they’ll be able to determine the root cause of your high or low sex drive – as well as suggest the right course of treatment to help.