Sex without penetration: What it is and 8 ways to explore

This article is also available in Spanish 

What is sex without penetration? 

Non-penetrative sex, or sex without penetration, is a type of sexual activity that doesn’t involve putting a penis, sex toys, fingers, or anything else inside the vagina or the anus. There are many reasons people choose to have sex without penetration, including sexual preference, if they experience pain during sex, or to be intimate without risking pregnancy.

Is non-penetrative sex still sex?

Yes. Lots of people have non-penetrative sex as their main or only form of sexual pleasure. While many of us may think of penetration as the main type of sex, it’s by no means the only way to experience sexual pleasure. In fact, many people may find it easier or more enjoyable to have non-penetrative sex for a number of reasons.

At Natural Cycles, we recognize all types of sex as valid because everyone’s pleasure is important no matter how it’s experienced. 

8 Ways to explore non-penetrative sex

1. Touching

Keeping pleasure hands-only can be a great way to refresh your sex life. While many of us may think of touching as a type of foreplay, it can be so much more than that. Focusing on touching gives you a chance to explore each other’s bodies — perhaps discovering often overlooked areas — in a way you might not do if your end goal is always penetration.

Looking to spice things up? Try treating each other to a massage or take things to the shower to unlock some next-level steamy action. You can also buy intimate moisturizers and lubricants designed to enhance the experience further.

2. Oral sex

When it comes to having sex without intercourse, oral sex is a popular option. A recent study found that 86% of women and 87% of men have had oral intercourse at some point in their lives. While you can’t get pregnant from oral sex, there is still a risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. Using a condom or dental dam can keep you protected.

Since most female orgasms happen through clitoral stimulation, oral sex is a helpful way to heighten pleasure without skipping intimacy, but if it’s not for you, that’s OK too! Oral sex is a personal preference, some people may prefer performing it to receiving it and vice versa.

3. Non-penetrative sex toys

Not all sex toys are designed to go inside the vagina or the anus, there are loads of sex toys out there that are designed specifically for pleasure without penetration. Whether you’re into wands, bullets, gels, or rings, there are plenty of options out there, complete with sleek, sexy, and discreet designs. 

You can use sex toys on your own or with a partner — it’s up to you! Just make sure you keep these intimate objects clean to keep yourself and others protected. You also have the option to use condoms and lubes alongside sex toys for added protection if you want to.

4. Outercourse

This type of non-penetrative sex involves rubbing or grinding together. You can practice outercourse naked or with your clothes on. This can be a fun way to experience pleasure without having to opt for penetrative sex. 

You can always mix things up and bring in other types of play too. Did you know some sex toys are so powerful they’re designed to be used through clothing? Or if you choose to do it naked, you can experiment with lube too.

5. Phone sex

Last but not least, let’s talk about phone sex. Whether you’re doing it long distance or use sexting as a kind of foreplay during the day, phone sex is an imaginative and penetrative-free way to feel closer when you’re not together.

Doing it down the line builds communication and creates a safe space to explore untapped fantasies. Phone sex may even make it easier to role-play or express your desires without the pressure of being there in person. 

Keep in mind that while sharing intimate images can help you stay close, it’s important to be savvy while online and know what is and isn’t OK. Sharing private images non-consensually is a crime.

6. Mutual masturbation

Touching yourself is a useful way to discover your own pleasure, and has added health benefits, such as helping reduce stress and get a better night’s sleep. However, masturbation can also be enjoyed with a partner. 

Mutual masturbation involves using your hands or sex toys to pleasure your partner while they do the same to you. It has the added benefit of letting you know what you both enjoy while taking the focus off one person’s pleasure. 

7. Roleplay

Exploring and sharing your fantasies can take intimacy to the next level while building your trust in one another. In roleplay, you can pretend to be different people and act out different scenarios. This approach to pleasure can be a lot of fun and may add an extra spark to your sex life! 

Clear communication is really important and will help you find out what you both enjoy during roleplay. Discuss how you feel before and after sex, and remember it’s OK to ask your partner to stop at any time.

8. Making out

Kissing isn’t just reserved for the early stages of your relationship, it’s a great way to be intimate, no matter if you’ve been together twenty minutes or twenty years! Making out can lead to other types of non-penetrative sex, like mutual masturbation or outercourse. 

Research has found that kissing is an important part of bonding in romantic relationships and may even increase your satisfaction in the relationship! 

Pain during penetrative sex

There are a number of reasons people can find penetrative sex painful. If you’re uncomfortable, experience vaginal dryness, or have a condition such as vulvodynia, it can make penetration (and other types of sex) unenjoyable.

Experiencing pain during any type of sex is a good reason to talk to a healthcare professional. However, taking a step back and trying out these other types of sex can alleviate the pressure and may help make sex more enjoyable. Most of all, it’s important that you and your partner are communicative about what does and doesn’t feel good. Clear communication is essential when it comes to giving and receiving sexual consent, and is an important cornerstone in any relationship.

Reasons to have non-penetrative sex

There are lots of reasons why people choose to have this type of sex, including:

• To prevent pregnancy: Some people choose to use fertility awareness as a form of birth control, this involves abstaining from penetrative sex on fertile days. Similarly, if you’re using NC° Birth Control to prevent pregnancy, then you’ll already know you need to use protection or abstain from penetrative sex on Red Days. However, that doesn’t mean you need to abstain from ALL sexual activity. 
• It makes sex more enjoyable: Whether non-penetrative sex is the main type of sex you’re having or you have it as well as penetrative sex, this form of intimacy can heighten your pleasure overall. Research has shown that only 18% of women can achieve orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, meaning clitoral stimulation is a key part of reaching orgasm for many people.
• It can make sex less painful: Some people find penetrative sex difficult because of past trauma or if they have a medical condition that makes it painful. Non-penetrative sex offers another way to share intimacy. 
• You’ll get to know your body better: Exploring your sexuality through non-penetrative sex can teach you a lot about the types of things you do and don’t enjoy, you’ll also learn lots about your partner/s along the way! 

What are the benefits of non-penetrative sex?

As mentioned above, finding more ways to get frisky has its benefits, including:

• Better understanding of your own and your partner’s bodies
• Increased orgasms
• Bonding between partners 
• Relieve anxiety or pain that may be associated with penetrative sex
• Reduced risk of pregnancy
• Non-penetrative sex can also be used as foreplay to penetrative sex to increase arousal

What are the disadvantages of non-penetrative sex?

As with all types of sex, non-penetrative sex might not be for everybody, it all comes down to personal preferences, but some drawbacks may include:

• There is still a small risk of pregnancy if semen gets on toys or fingers that go near the vagina
• There is still a risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), such as gonorrhea or chlamydia, as you can contract many STIs from touching genitals or practicing oral sex

Ready to try hormone-free birth control?

If you’re already using Natural Cycles as birth control, we hope this article can help you get imaginative during your fertile days. It’s important to make sure that if you do practice non-penetrative sex, you keep sperm away from the vagina by keeping hands and sex toys clean. 

The Natural Cycles app is the first of its kind to be FDA cleared as birth control in the US and CE marked in Europe. It uses the science of basal body temperature paired with an algorithm that learns the pattern of your cycle so you can prevent pregnancy completely hormone-free. Haven’t signed up yet? Why not find out if Natural Cycles could work for you?